What's in a Name

For the longest time Sir wanted to name me. He gave it much thought, threw around a couple of names then finally decided on mijena. I asked him how he selected it and he said it was a combination of the letters of my name and he liked the way it rolled off his tongue.

Well the other day I got curious (me being me) and decided to goggle my name. And wouldn't you know I found it and it means "change." I had to laugh because with everything that is happening in my life, Sir had this one nailed.

See lately I have been looking for a different job. I need something with a little more challenge. I use to own my own  businesses and sold them to move -- following my husband. Well I tried the retirement thing for 6 months and got bored. So took a job to fill the time. It was great for a while.

Stupid me -- why would I think I would like a job that didn't challenge my mind everyday. That didn't stimulate me. I miss the daily deadlines my businesses offered. I miss the creativity of them too. I just need more, so very much more. So I am looking for something new. I am even looking at jobs that will move me from the area where I currently live. Am looking at ppossibility moving closer to Sir.

Knowing my job isn't satisfying, maybe that is why I began looking to get the stimulation I was missing from other sources. And that is when I ran into Sir. We began simple -- talking, exchanging emails, comments, stories. Revealing desires and so much more. Finding that we both desired the same things and remained unfulfilled in our life.

With him in my life things have definitely been changing, but I know there is so much more that needs to happen before I get to the point I need and want to be. He has been patient with me. First tearing down the walls that I had built up around me for all these years. Then he began with the tasks. Easy, simple things at first, but they are getting harder each day. And thanks to some of the bloggers he follows he has even come up with new ideas -- new ways to give me the pain that I need. The pain I desire. I would gladly take more pain and have told him that, but with me I think he is afraid of maybe taking it to far. He knows my history. He knows I got hurt when I was young and didn't use my safe word. He knows how I get caught up in the play and don't always look out my me so he is over cautious I think. But with me knowing his history too, I know he is fighting his own demons and he too has grown so much since our relationship began.

So as mijena I wear my name with pride knowing first and foremost that Sir gave it to me and second as mijena I know there is so much more change in store for me.