I am in the process of getting a divorce or at least deciding if this is the right step for me to take. Have moved out which I thought is best for me, but am still being pulled by family to reconcile and move back. Trying to stand firm, but sometimes it is wearing on me.
But I think the worse thing about this whole process is I feel my relationship with my Sir slipping away. I am being pulled in so many different directions and work is even more demanding than before so we don't have the kind nor type of time we had in the past. That and the emotional numbness I have been experiencing just leaves me in a space I am not sure about.
I miss my time with Sir, but right now I really know I couldn't deal with yet another thing thrown into the mix. Sir has been wonderful through it all. Just being there, offering support and all that, but I know he isn't getting what he wants nor what he needs from me right now. At times I wish he would move on and find another sub, but I know that probably isn't an option he would entertain. He is just that way, but I do worry about not being able to hold up my end of the bargain -- so to speak.
This has been going on for over three months now and there really is no end in sight. I just know for me I am ready to feel again. I need to feel again. I hate this numbness.
I'm sorry you are going through so many mixed emotions right now and not in a good place.
ReplyDeletePlease don't give up on your Sir. If he is being patient with you, that is a good thing. Give it all time.
I don't know you, but wanted to give you a hug and hope that things work out for you the way you want them too.
Stay strong. Try and not go to that dark place. I've been there and it is not fun.
Take care, Sky
This post struck me so deeply...the specifics of my situation are not the same as yours, but i know the numbness you are speaking of. I feel as if there is a layer of invisible insulation between me and everything and everyone around me, with very few exceptions. I too worry about "my end of the bargain". Lean on your Sir. You have him, and you have friends. You are stronger than you think you are.
ReplyDeleteThere is much I have to say regarding your feelings, but it is more then this space allows.
ReplyDeleteThank you all for your kind words, concerns, encouragement, etc.
ReplyDeleteYesterday was just one of those days that sometimes take over and have you feeling worse than you already do. And I let it take over. Hopefully next time I will be able to fend it off a little better.
Monkey -- I know you have a lot on your plate too. Am giving you a hug hoping you can work through the numbness and once again feel the love and joy that surrounds you. I know it is hard being in this place, and hold onto the fact that it won't last forever.