My begging continues as I long to feel him inside me. Sir is at my ear asking what I want. To vocalize what I want. The only thing escaping my lips are moans and very frustrated groans. When all of the sudden out of no where "SMACK" -- a sharp stinging swat to my ass. In his commanding tone he repeats his question again "What to you want, pet. Tell me. NOW!"
Immediately I try to answer, but my thoughts are not forming the words I want. All that escapes my lips are unrecognizable mumblings. WTF. Why can't I vocalize what I so desire. Why can't I just say it. "SMACK" another swat to my ass. Burning. Sending me deeper. "PET, TELL ME!"
Out of no where my thoughts finally become coherent. "I want him to fuck me Sir. I want to feel him inside me, but only if it pleases Sir."
"Oh what a good little pet you are," he says as he grabs my nipples between his thumb and index finger and give them a twist and a pull then continues to work them. I feel that familiar pressure building. Moving through me. Settling in my pussy. Dripping wet Sir rubs me. I can hear him take in a deep breathe as he savors the smell of my sex. I can hear him as he licks my juices from his fingers.
I feel his fingers trace my lips right before his lips take mine.
"Oh pet I do love the way you smell. The way your pussy tastes. But now pet are you ready for what is next."
All of the sudden I realize Sir had created enough of a distraction I didn't notice the thick cock positioned right outside my pussy. As his words faded into the distance, a cock penetrated me causing me to gasp.
The stranger was inside me. Thrusting deep inside me. I hear his breathing. feel his skin on mine. Hear his balls as they slap against my ass. Slow at first. Then faster. The pressure in me building. Feel my pussy tightening around him. As my release comes I feel his seed releasing inside me.
Once he catches his breath, I feel his hand fist my hair as he pulls me up towards him. Then the voice in my ear. "So pet did you enjoy our little game?"
My eyes shot open underneath the blindfold when I realized for the first time there had never been a stranger in my room. Only Sir.
Friday, December 16, 2011
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Great Cookie Exchange
Okay here is my submission for the great cookie exchange. This is an old family favorite.
Snickerdoodle Cookies
1 cup soft shortening
2 eggs
1 1/2 cups sugar
2 3/4 cup sifted flour
2 tsp cream of tartar
1 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
Mix all ingredients together in a bowl. Roll into balls the size of walnuts. Mix 2 tablespoons sugar and 2 teaspoons cinnamon. Roll balls around in this mixture and place on cookie sheet. Bake at 400 degrees for 8-10 minutes. There is no need to flatten these. They will flatten in baking.
Other participants are:
Aisha
Alice
Ally
Another Suburban Mom
Ashly Star
Beau
Beth
Conina
Elysia
greengirl
Hedone
Jack & Jill
His wyld rose
Infidelity Chronicles
Jz
Kirsti
Krissy
lil
Linda Long
Little Monkey
Lola!
Mijena
mouse
Naughty Kitty
nilla
ponderouspet
ronnie
Rose
Ryan
Sara
selkie (her recipe here, her blog here)
Sephani Page
Serenity
shadesofblue
striving for peace
sin
Tempting Sweets
The Missus
undercovermetamorphosis
Viemoira
Snickerdoodle Cookies
1 cup soft shortening
2 eggs
1 1/2 cups sugar
2 3/4 cup sifted flour
2 tsp cream of tartar
1 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
Mix all ingredients together in a bowl. Roll into balls the size of walnuts. Mix 2 tablespoons sugar and 2 teaspoons cinnamon. Roll balls around in this mixture and place on cookie sheet. Bake at 400 degrees for 8-10 minutes. There is no need to flatten these. They will flatten in baking.
Other participants are:
Aisha
Alice
Ally
Another Suburban Mom
Ashly Star
Beau
Beth
Conina
Elysia
greengirl
Hedone
Jack & Jill
His wyld rose
Infidelity Chronicles
Jz
Kirsti
Krissy
lil
Linda Long
Little Monkey
Lola!
Mijena
mouse
Naughty Kitty
nilla
ponderouspet
ronnie
Rose
Ryan
Sara
selkie (her recipe here, her blog here)
Sephani Page
Serenity
shadesofblue
striving for peace
sin
Tempting Sweets
The Missus
undercovermetamorphosis
Viemoira
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Special picnic lunch -- Part 1
She opens the blanket and places it on the freshly cut grass in the shade of the three huge cottonwood trees. Slowly she slips off her black heels and places them just at the edge of the blanket. She positions herself just so and turns to watch him walking towards her with the cooler and pillows in hand.
The contrast between their attire crosses her mind. He's in shorts, a button down shirt and sandals and he looks so relaxed and at ease. She on the other hand is dressed to the nines in her black and white dress. Her matching jewelry accenting the outfit. She wears her hair down today because that is the way he likes it. He likes to see it sprayed across the pillow as she lies down.
As he approaches, a smile crosses his face as he takes in the way her hair shines when the sun hits it. The way it moves as the gentle breeze softly caresses her. His view moves down catching the rise and fall of her breast as her breathing becomes a little more labored the closer he gets to her. He loves the way she reacts to him. The way her body speaks to him. His eyes traveled even lower to the hem of her skirt where he admired the smooth, soft skin of her legs as they beckoned to him to touch -- to discover what is covered by the skirt of the dress.
He opens the cooler and pulls out the bottle of wine and skillfully opens it and pours her a glass. It is of course her favorite white wine from a local vineyard. He always knows what she likes and always aims to make her happy because through her happiness he finds great joy.
As she sips her wine, he finishes pulling out their lunch arranging the bread, cheese, bowl of fruit and of course positioning it all around the single more beautiful pink rose she has ever seen.
Once that is all complete, he leans in and kisses her passionately. His kisses always melts her. Warms her heart and a soft moan escapes her lips. He loves hearing that sound knowing she is surrendering herself to him.
The contrast between their attire crosses her mind. He's in shorts, a button down shirt and sandals and he looks so relaxed and at ease. She on the other hand is dressed to the nines in her black and white dress. Her matching jewelry accenting the outfit. She wears her hair down today because that is the way he likes it. He likes to see it sprayed across the pillow as she lies down.
As he approaches, a smile crosses his face as he takes in the way her hair shines when the sun hits it. The way it moves as the gentle breeze softly caresses her. His view moves down catching the rise and fall of her breast as her breathing becomes a little more labored the closer he gets to her. He loves the way she reacts to him. The way her body speaks to him. His eyes traveled even lower to the hem of her skirt where he admired the smooth, soft skin of her legs as they beckoned to him to touch -- to discover what is covered by the skirt of the dress.
He opens the cooler and pulls out the bottle of wine and skillfully opens it and pours her a glass. It is of course her favorite white wine from a local vineyard. He always knows what she likes and always aims to make her happy because through her happiness he finds great joy.
As she sips her wine, he finishes pulling out their lunch arranging the bread, cheese, bowl of fruit and of course positioning it all around the single more beautiful pink rose she has ever seen.
Once that is all complete, he leans in and kisses her passionately. His kisses always melts her. Warms her heart and a soft moan escapes her lips. He loves hearing that sound knowing she is surrendering herself to him.
TMI Tuesday -- Stop Making Sense
Stop Making Sense
Talking Heads video by Jonathan Demme – Stop Making Sense. Great film, great music. Click here to enjoy. —————————
1. If you were a car, which one would you be? What are some of your best features? I would be a Ford Mustang. Classy. And you are always surprised at what's under the hood. Oh and when you rev me up be prepared because you will go for a ride you won't soon forget.
2. If I gave you an elephant where would you hide it? In my mom-in-laws house. Paybacks baby paybacks.
3. Finish this sentence: Tomorrow I absolutely refuse to…. take his shit.
4. What is the longest period of time that you’ve gone without a shower? A weekend and I couldn't even stand to be around me then. It isn't so much the shower as it is not being able to wash my hair.
5. What is the silliest prank you ever played on someone? At Christmas one year my ex asked for a gun. My cousin deals in guns so I asked him how much this particular gun weighed. He told me two cans of pop. So I wrapped up two cans of pop in a box and stuck it under the tree. The ex thought for sure he knew what I bought him for Christmas he went out and bought ammo for the gun. He was a little pissed when he realized he got a tv instead. But I did get a good laugh so did the store clerk when he returned the ammo the day after Christmas.
Bonus: What is the best piece of gossip that you heard recently? I try not to listen to nor do I share gossip.
————-
tmituesdayblog
Happy TMI Tuesday!
Friday, November 25, 2011
Stranger in my Room -- Part 2
My fingers were still playing with my pussy as Sir continues to talk to me.
"Don't stop playing pet, he is watching you. His cock is in his hand. Oh pet you are going to enjoying being fucked by him."
My breathing becomes heavier, my fingers working more methodical as the pressure in my belly builds. The anticipation of a strange cock in my pussy takes over.
It's at that moment I feel a pair of hands on my leg. As Sir's voice says, "Spread your legs for him, pet."
"God pet he is admiring that sweet pussy of your's. He's licking his lip and I can tell he can hardly wait to enter you."
It's at that moment I feel a cock at my lips. I hungrily take it. Sucking it. Working it. Loving the feel of Sir's cock in my mouth. As I continue to work Sir's cock. I realize there is a set of fingers joining mine as I continue to rub my pussy. My hips begin to raise off the bed as I long to feel his fingers inside me.
I feel Sir's cock growing harder inside my mouth. I know how he has talked about watching me being fucked by another man, but I never thought his reaction to the actual events would be so extreme. With his hand fisted in my hair, he is fucking my face like there was no tomorrow.
Anticipating my desires, immediately there is one finger inside me now followed by a second. Sir's breathing becomes labored and I sense he is close to a release. With Sir in my mouth, and the stranger's finger in my pussy, I feel the pressure building even stronger in my belly. It doesn't take the stranger long to find the sweet spot and he has me cumming all over his buried fingers as Sir cums in my mouth.
With a few more wiggles of his fingers, the stranger pulls out and a whimper of disappointment takes me by surprise. I so long to have him continue. I so long to feel his cock inside me and the begging begins.
"Fuck me!" I hear myself saying as my hips leave from the bed seeking out his cock.
"Pet, you do want that strange cock inside you don't you?"
"I want him to fuck me," I respond to Sir. Then out of no where "FUCK ME!" I yell as my hips are now fully in the air, legs spread wide and begging for him to be inside me.
"Don't stop playing pet, he is watching you. His cock is in his hand. Oh pet you are going to enjoying being fucked by him."
My breathing becomes heavier, my fingers working more methodical as the pressure in my belly builds. The anticipation of a strange cock in my pussy takes over.
It's at that moment I feel a pair of hands on my leg. As Sir's voice says, "Spread your legs for him, pet."
"God pet he is admiring that sweet pussy of your's. He's licking his lip and I can tell he can hardly wait to enter you."
It's at that moment I feel a cock at my lips. I hungrily take it. Sucking it. Working it. Loving the feel of Sir's cock in my mouth. As I continue to work Sir's cock. I realize there is a set of fingers joining mine as I continue to rub my pussy. My hips begin to raise off the bed as I long to feel his fingers inside me.
I feel Sir's cock growing harder inside my mouth. I know how he has talked about watching me being fucked by another man, but I never thought his reaction to the actual events would be so extreme. With his hand fisted in my hair, he is fucking my face like there was no tomorrow.
Anticipating my desires, immediately there is one finger inside me now followed by a second. Sir's breathing becomes labored and I sense he is close to a release. With Sir in my mouth, and the stranger's finger in my pussy, I feel the pressure building even stronger in my belly. It doesn't take the stranger long to find the sweet spot and he has me cumming all over his buried fingers as Sir cums in my mouth.
With a few more wiggles of his fingers, the stranger pulls out and a whimper of disappointment takes me by surprise. I so long to have him continue. I so long to feel his cock inside me and the begging begins.
"Fuck me!" I hear myself saying as my hips leave from the bed seeking out his cock.
"Pet, you do want that strange cock inside you don't you?"
"I want him to fuck me," I respond to Sir. Then out of no where "FUCK ME!" I yell as my hips are now fully in the air, legs spread wide and begging for him to be inside me.
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Stranger in my Room
After some play time, still command bound to the headboard and blindfolded, I started dosing off. Sir must of realized it immediately because at that moment I heard "Oh pet, it's not time to sleep yet. I have something special for you tonight," he said in that commanding voice of his.
My mind began to race. I didn't know how much more spanking, nipple torture and fucking I could take. We had been at this for hours already, but I knew Sir would never do anything to me that he didn't think I could handle.
All of he sudden I felt his breath on my ear as he softly whispered, "You know what we have been talking about for weeks now. Well tonight is the night. Are you ready pet?"
My mouth fell open as I recalled several of our conversations lately. He had been discussing sharing me with another man. I didn't think it was ever possible because Sir was a very selfish man when it came to me and the pleasure/pain he gave me, but as our conversations had escalated of late I could tell it would only be a matter of time before he decided to take this all the way and he seems like tonight was the night.
"Are you ready for a strange cock in that sweet little pussy of yours?" he asked.
"Yes, Sir."
"Are you prepared for his hot, warm seed to shot into your fertile cunt?"
"Yes, Sir."
"He is waiting outside for you pet. Play with that precious little pussy of yours while I go let him in."
I could hear Sir's footsteps as he crossed the hardwood floors to the front door of my house. I could hear as the key went into the lock opening the door. Then the voices. I could hear two voices. "He is really going through with this."
"She's waiting in the bedroom for you. She's all hot and playing with herself. Keeping herself wet for you."
I could hear the footsteps getting closer and closer to the bed and then felt as the weight of someone sat on the bed and leaned over me.
"Pet are you ready to be fucked? Just remember I will be watching so fuck him like you would fuck me."
My mind began to race. I didn't know how much more spanking, nipple torture and fucking I could take. We had been at this for hours already, but I knew Sir would never do anything to me that he didn't think I could handle.
All of he sudden I felt his breath on my ear as he softly whispered, "You know what we have been talking about for weeks now. Well tonight is the night. Are you ready pet?"
My mouth fell open as I recalled several of our conversations lately. He had been discussing sharing me with another man. I didn't think it was ever possible because Sir was a very selfish man when it came to me and the pleasure/pain he gave me, but as our conversations had escalated of late I could tell it would only be a matter of time before he decided to take this all the way and he seems like tonight was the night.
"Are you ready for a strange cock in that sweet little pussy of yours?" he asked.
"Yes, Sir."
"Are you prepared for his hot, warm seed to shot into your fertile cunt?"
"Yes, Sir."
"He is waiting outside for you pet. Play with that precious little pussy of yours while I go let him in."
I could hear Sir's footsteps as he crossed the hardwood floors to the front door of my house. I could hear as the key went into the lock opening the door. Then the voices. I could hear two voices. "He is really going through with this."
"She's waiting in the bedroom for you. She's all hot and playing with herself. Keeping herself wet for you."
I could hear the footsteps getting closer and closer to the bed and then felt as the weight of someone sat on the bed and leaned over me.
"Pet are you ready to be fucked? Just remember I will be watching so fuck him like you would fuck me."
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
What's cookin'
What’s Cookin’ Good Lookin’?
Would you like to taste my muffins?
In the United States Thanksgiving is this week, so a lot of folks will be cooking up a storm in preparation. Many other holidays will occur over the next month around the world and everyone seems to celebrate with food, hence, the TMI Tuesday theme…Cooking.
1. Haagen-Dazs or Ben & Jerry’s? neither -- really don't like ice cream. I know I'm weird, but what can I say. Although one time I did have a taste of Haagen-Dazs chocolate chocolate chip and it was to die for. But ice cream just isn't my cup of tea.
2. What is always in your refrigerator? eggs, milk and butter. When I have the urge to bake hate to have to run to the store.
3. What’s your worst kitchen disaster? Once I made an angel food cake from scratch. It came out as hard as a rock. My uncle tried to get it out of the pan with a knife, but the knife went in, but we couldn't get it back out -- reminded me of the sword in the stone (lol). Anyway you could have used the cake as a spare tire I think. Needless to say, the cake, pan and knife went in the trash. But now I can make an angel food without fail.
4. Favorite kitchen gadget? a nice wooden spoon because it is so versatile. (wink, wink)
5. What was your last meal? Did you like it? breakfast this morning. A glass of juice and a hot, just out of the oven, slice of a cinnamon, apple braided roll (homemade of course)
6. What’s your favorite cookie? Really love snickerdoodles and they are so easy to make and will be sharing the recipe if I remember to get it when I go home at lunch. Sucks not having internet at home anymore.
TMI Tuesday
Happy TMI Tuesday!
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Life slipping away
I am in the process of getting a divorce or at least deciding if this is the right step for me to take. Have moved out which I thought is best for me, but am still being pulled by family to reconcile and move back. Trying to stand firm, but sometimes it is wearing on me.
But I think the worse thing about this whole process is I feel my relationship with my Sir slipping away. I am being pulled in so many different directions and work is even more demanding than before so we don't have the kind nor type of time we had in the past. That and the emotional numbness I have been experiencing just leaves me in a space I am not sure about.
I miss my time with Sir, but right now I really know I couldn't deal with yet another thing thrown into the mix. Sir has been wonderful through it all. Just being there, offering support and all that, but I know he isn't getting what he wants nor what he needs from me right now. At times I wish he would move on and find another sub, but I know that probably isn't an option he would entertain. He is just that way, but I do worry about not being able to hold up my end of the bargain -- so to speak.
This has been going on for over three months now and there really is no end in sight. I just know for me I am ready to feel again. I need to feel again. I hate this numbness.
But I think the worse thing about this whole process is I feel my relationship with my Sir slipping away. I am being pulled in so many different directions and work is even more demanding than before so we don't have the kind nor type of time we had in the past. That and the emotional numbness I have been experiencing just leaves me in a space I am not sure about.
I miss my time with Sir, but right now I really know I couldn't deal with yet another thing thrown into the mix. Sir has been wonderful through it all. Just being there, offering support and all that, but I know he isn't getting what he wants nor what he needs from me right now. At times I wish he would move on and find another sub, but I know that probably isn't an option he would entertain. He is just that way, but I do worry about not being able to hold up my end of the bargain -- so to speak.
This has been going on for over three months now and there really is no end in sight. I just know for me I am ready to feel again. I need to feel again. I hate this numbness.
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Random Answers
TMI Tuesday: October 25, 2011
Not related.
A fun random image to go along with some fun random questions 
2. Your house is on fire, what do you grab as you run out? As many scrapbooks as I could
3. Are you a morning person or a night owl? most definitely a night owl.
a. What time did you go to bed last night? 12:43
b. What time did you wake up today? 6:05
4. A kid comes up to you and kicks you in the shin, what do you do? ask him why he thought he needed to do that
5. What three things do you never leave the house without? phone, keys and clothes
Bonus: Name a place that you visited last week that you’ve never visited before. Briefly tell us about the visit. A winery about 2 hours from where I live. Tasted a little wine, ate a little food, and had a good time.
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
TMI Tuesday -- Tell Me More About You
TMI Tuesday -- Tell Me More About You
[Image]
1. “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours”…What is it that you will show me? My mind. I always find that the most interesting part of a person. So I'd rather see that than anything else.
2. What was the last thing you regret buying? That Snickers candy bar I ate last week.
3. How happy are you? 1 = not happy at all to 5 = very happy -- Depends on the day of the week. Am currently separated from my spouse and divorce filing will be soon. So I have good days and bad but am hoping the good will soon outweigh the bad.
4. Last night, what did you go to bed thinking about? Someone special being in my life. A new life with a new house and happiness.
5. Tell us something that made you happy this past week or made you think “that’s cool!” Someone actually cooked a meal for me. Even with the separation I go back to the house every night to cook supper for my son and his dad. But one night I couldn't do it because I was out of town and a friend actually cooked for me. It was the most wonderful thing I have experienced in a long time.
Bonus: What is your favorite mark of punctuation? Why? Question mark -- just simply because I am very curious and like to ask questions.
tmituesdayblog
![[Image]](http://tmituesdayblog.files.wordpress.com/2011/10/tell-me-more.jpg){kind=link}
1. “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours”…What is it that you will show me? My mind. I always find that the most interesting part of a person. So I'd rather see that than anything else.
2. What was the last thing you regret buying? That Snickers candy bar I ate last week.
3. How happy are you? 1 = not happy at all to 5 = very happy -- Depends on the day of the week. Am currently separated from my spouse and divorce filing will be soon. So I have good days and bad but am hoping the good will soon outweigh the bad.
4. Last night, what did you go to bed thinking about? Someone special being in my life. A new life with a new house and happiness.
5. Tell us something that made you happy this past week or made you think “that’s cool!” Someone actually cooked a meal for me. Even with the separation I go back to the house every night to cook supper for my son and his dad. But one night I couldn't do it because I was out of town and a friend actually cooked for me. It was the most wonderful thing I have experienced in a long time.
Bonus: What is your favorite mark of punctuation? Why? Question mark -- just simply because I am very curious and like to ask questions.
tmituesdayblog
Monday, October 17, 2011
Life has been hard
Have been lost for so long now I don't even know where to start.
Husband and I were having problems -- nothing new here.
Been seeing a counselor -- Going anywhere, improving the relationship -- don't think so, but still trying.
Last week decided it would be better if we didn't live together for a few months. To give each other space. Give us both time to thinking about what we really wanted. Both of us agreed. I moved out. That was Monday.
Tuesday before 8:30 a.m. got two phone calls and three text messages from him. By 10 p.m. had had 8 calls and 6 texts excluding the ones before 8:30 a.m. So much for space. See I had taken the day off work and he wasn't for sure where I was or who I was with so he was checking on me throughout the day. Yes that is what I live with. Had taken the day off so I could have some time to myself because I knew moving out was going to be a very emotional day for me even though it was my suggestion. Didn't want to be at work all weepy eyed and all emotional. People just don't get to see me that way. But all that from him just added to the stress.
Sunday things blew up again. I had gone to spend the night at a friend's house because I just needed to get out of town. Got a call at 7:12 a.m. accusing me of being with someone. Saying I evidently had made my decision about the divorce and was told that he would be seeing a lawyer on Monday. Told him he was right I had decided. It didn't hit me until that particular moment, but I think it has been time for me to move on for a very long time. And getting yelled at for being gone from my room -- for doing what I wanted to do -- that was the straw that broke this camel's back.
So today I feel better and look forward to moving ahead. Know it will be tough, but at least I am moving again and not stuck neck deep in the rut I was in.
Husband and I were having problems -- nothing new here.
Been seeing a counselor -- Going anywhere, improving the relationship -- don't think so, but still trying.
Last week decided it would be better if we didn't live together for a few months. To give each other space. Give us both time to thinking about what we really wanted. Both of us agreed. I moved out. That was Monday.
Tuesday before 8:30 a.m. got two phone calls and three text messages from him. By 10 p.m. had had 8 calls and 6 texts excluding the ones before 8:30 a.m. So much for space. See I had taken the day off work and he wasn't for sure where I was or who I was with so he was checking on me throughout the day. Yes that is what I live with. Had taken the day off so I could have some time to myself because I knew moving out was going to be a very emotional day for me even though it was my suggestion. Didn't want to be at work all weepy eyed and all emotional. People just don't get to see me that way. But all that from him just added to the stress.
Sunday things blew up again. I had gone to spend the night at a friend's house because I just needed to get out of town. Got a call at 7:12 a.m. accusing me of being with someone. Saying I evidently had made my decision about the divorce and was told that he would be seeing a lawyer on Monday. Told him he was right I had decided. It didn't hit me until that particular moment, but I think it has been time for me to move on for a very long time. And getting yelled at for being gone from my room -- for doing what I wanted to do -- that was the straw that broke this camel's back.
So today I feel better and look forward to moving ahead. Know it will be tough, but at least I am moving again and not stuck neck deep in the rut I was in.
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Breaking Up Is Hard To Do
This week’s TMI Tuesday idea is from Heelsnstocking
1. What’s the worst reason you have been given for breaking up? I really like you, but I just need to be me.
2. What’s the worst reason you gave, to someone, for breaking up? I don't know if I have ever really given many reasons. I don't much like fights, etc. so most of the time just cut off all communication with no explanation.
3. Have you ever engineered the end of a relationship e.g doing something you know will put the other person off? If yes, what did you do? I had one boyfriend who was a neat freak. So I would leave my clothes etc laying around the house. What was I thinking. If I had stayed with him at least now I would have a clean house -- well suppose that will never be the case -- LOL
4. Have you ever stayed with a partner just because you could not bear to end it? Yes, that is my situation now. But am building up the courage to end it.
5. Have you ever encouraged a friend to end a relationship? What happened? Are you still friends? No. I always figured it was their decision to make not mine. One never knows what goes on in a person's head or heart. We only see what what we want to see and don't fully see the entire picture so until I can do that I keep my mouth shut.
Bonus: Have you ever been the cause of a relationship to end? Tell us about it. Not that I'm aware of.
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
TMI Tuesday -- What would you do
What would you do?
1. You encounter a good looking lost and frantic tourist looking for the airport. You: If I could work it into the day I would take him to the airport myself. Am into good deeds/karma and you just never know.
A) Shrug your shoulders, feigning ignorance.
B) Find the shortest route on your smartphone and get him/her a cab.
C) Direct him/her to the nearest bus stop.
D) Get your car, pick up his/her luggage and speed to the airport.
2. You’re taking a vacation alone. Your destination: Wherever the dark lands on the map, but in my case it would be more like where ever my car ends up. Always like just getting in the car and driving looking for something new and exciting. I enjoy flying by the seat of my pants when vacationing.
A) Beach resort — I just want to relax and de-stress.
B) A group tour — I don’t want to worry about the details.
C) Wherever the dart lands on the map.
D) Every country with a hostel — my backpack is my home.
3. Blackout! You can’t watch TV, so you light some candles and: definitely find a friend to share the time with.
A) Dig up some batteries and listen to the radio.
B) Invite the neighbors, light a fire and sing camping songs all night.
C) Find a friend and play games that don’t require electricity. . . Like chess.
D) Drive to the next town — oh sweet Wi-Fi, I’ve found you!
4. The man/woman of your dreams has finally proposed. The relationship is perfect, they are everything you’ve ever dreamed of and ever wanted. They are also a multi-millionaire and want you to sign a prenuptial agreement. Which would you do? I'm marrying him not his money so it's not really that important to me. So I'm saying neither of the answers.
A) Sign it
B) Just not get married
5. If you were going to marry an inanimate object, what would you marry? I think I'd rather remain single.
Note: A woman has married the Eiffel Tower and another has married the golden gate bridge. Read about it HERE
Bonus: You’ve just inherited a manufacturing plant that specializes in plastics. What are you going to make? Oh must definitely I would make sex toys. A girl can never have to many toys
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
TMI Tuesday -- Dating
1. You’re on a speed date. You’ve got 7 minutes with the potential partner. You already know the person’s name. What are the first three questions you would ask? (1) What is the naughtiest thing you've ever done? (2) How adventurous are you? (3) Where do you see yourself in 10 years?
2. Have you ever participated in speed dating? No. Did you get a regular date/second date out of it?
3. Do you participate in online dating? I have in the past. How many dates have you had as a result of online dating sites/matches? 6
4. You are attracted to:
a. Who people are? as far as what a person does for a living makes no matter to me. I have met men who are CEOs of major corporations with lots of money who have the character of a piss ant while at the same time I have met a pizza delivery guy who had more integrity and character than anyone I had ever met.
b. What people have? Just because you have something doesn't really mean much to me. I'm not into things so it's not a prerequisite for me.
c. What they can do? What they can do as far as sex goes most differently.
5. What “little red flag” will cause you to end a date or immediately decide this person isn’t for you? Don't really know what it is, but I just always get a feeling in my gut and have always acted on that feeling. It has never let me down.
6. What do you feel you need to sacrifice or have sacrificed to be a part of a relationship? I have gotten a little selfish in my old age (lol) and don't think I should really have to sacrifice anything to be part of a relationship other than maybe a little closet space.
7. If you cooked for your date, what would you cook? Start off with baked scampi Havarti with french bread, a Caesar salad, raspberry salmon, asparagus, and cheesecake for dessert or maybe a chocolate mousse.
8. At the end of a first date, how would you kiss your date? It would depend on the type of connection we had. If that connection is there then most definitely press my lips against theirs and see where things go from there. If no connection then a gentle kiss on the cheek.
a. Press your lips against theirs
b. Gentle kiss on the cheek
c. Lots o’ tongue, like you’re on a tonsil exploration
d. I don’t kiss on the first date
Bonus: You just put up a profile on a dating site. You must describe yourself in 10 words or less. What are your 10 words? An adventurous, energetic woman who wants more out of life.
2. Have you ever participated in speed dating? No. Did you get a regular date/second date out of it?
3. Do you participate in online dating? I have in the past. How many dates have you had as a result of online dating sites/matches? 6
4. You are attracted to:
a. Who people are? as far as what a person does for a living makes no matter to me. I have met men who are CEOs of major corporations with lots of money who have the character of a piss ant while at the same time I have met a pizza delivery guy who had more integrity and character than anyone I had ever met.
b. What people have? Just because you have something doesn't really mean much to me. I'm not into things so it's not a prerequisite for me.
c. What they can do? What they can do as far as sex goes most differently.
5. What “little red flag” will cause you to end a date or immediately decide this person isn’t for you? Don't really know what it is, but I just always get a feeling in my gut and have always acted on that feeling. It has never let me down.
6. What do you feel you need to sacrifice or have sacrificed to be a part of a relationship? I have gotten a little selfish in my old age (lol) and don't think I should really have to sacrifice anything to be part of a relationship other than maybe a little closet space.
7. If you cooked for your date, what would you cook? Start off with baked scampi Havarti with french bread, a Caesar salad, raspberry salmon, asparagus, and cheesecake for dessert or maybe a chocolate mousse.
8. At the end of a first date, how would you kiss your date? It would depend on the type of connection we had. If that connection is there then most definitely press my lips against theirs and see where things go from there. If no connection then a gentle kiss on the cheek.
a. Press your lips against theirs
b. Gentle kiss on the cheek
c. Lots o’ tongue, like you’re on a tonsil exploration
d. I don’t kiss on the first date
Bonus: You just put up a profile on a dating site. You must describe yourself in 10 words or less. What are your 10 words? An adventurous, energetic woman who wants more out of life.
Adventurous Soul
I went to a football game with a friend this weekend and while we were having drinks after the game and my friend had excused herself to go to the restroom a gentleman came up to my table and asked if he could sit and keep me company until my friend came back. I indicated he could and our conversation took an unexpected turn.
He commented that I enjoyed people thinking I was sweet and innocent with my hair pulled back, my nice little smile, my proper attire, but he said he knew different.
I asked him what exactly he thought he knew.
His answer -- all someone has to do is look into those eyes of yours and know you are so much more than what you present. About that time my friend returned and the gentleman excused himself, but not before he leaned over and whispered into my ear -- "You are a naughty little one aren't you?" I looked at him speechless as other parts of my body began to come alive.
He commented that I enjoyed people thinking I was sweet and innocent with my hair pulled back, my nice little smile, my proper attire, but he said he knew different.
I asked him what exactly he thought he knew.
His answer -- all someone has to do is look into those eyes of yours and know you are so much more than what you present. About that time my friend returned and the gentleman excused himself, but not before he leaned over and whispered into my ear -- "You are a naughty little one aren't you?" I looked at him speechless as other parts of my body began to come alive.
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Naked -- TMI Tuesday
1. What do you wear to sleep in? nothing
2. Do you ever walk around your own place naked? as often as possible
3. Have you or would you ever answer the door naked? no
4. What part of your body do you like to be on show? Why? my breast -- they are my best assets
5. When sunbathing how much do you bare? if I can I bear all.
6. Have you or would you bare all on a naturist (nude) beach? If I ever get to one I will most definitely bare all.
7. Have you ever flashed your bits in public? If not would you if it turned your partner on? Yes I have.
8. Have you ever given a striptease or has anyone given you one? Did you enjoy it? I never done a striptease that I remember.
9. Ever gone skinny dipping? Alone or with others? Skinny dipped many times, but never alone.
10. Do you like to look at naked people or do you want show off your nakedness? I enjoy doing both.
Bonus: Sexually speaking, what’s the furthest you would go with a partner in public? Have you had sex in public? Have actually had sex in public before. Once in a public park with people near by playing with a frisbee.
2. Do you ever walk around your own place naked? as often as possible
3. Have you or would you ever answer the door naked? no
4. What part of your body do you like to be on show? Why? my breast -- they are my best assets
5. When sunbathing how much do you bare? if I can I bear all.
6. Have you or would you bare all on a naturist (nude) beach? If I ever get to one I will most definitely bare all.
7. Have you ever flashed your bits in public? If not would you if it turned your partner on? Yes I have.
8. Have you ever given a striptease or has anyone given you one? Did you enjoy it? I never done a striptease that I remember.
9. Ever gone skinny dipping? Alone or with others? Skinny dipped many times, but never alone.
10. Do you like to look at naked people or do you want show off your nakedness? I enjoy doing both.
Bonus: Sexually speaking, what’s the furthest you would go with a partner in public? Have you had sex in public? Have actually had sex in public before. Once in a public park with people near by playing with a frisbee.
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
TMI Tuesday -- Music
TMI Tuesday -- Music
1. What’s the most annoying song in the world? Beat It by Michael Jackson -- never could stand that song.
2. What’s the saddest song in the world? Amazing Grace -- Not sad to most people, but it was one of my dad's favorite songs and now every time I hear it, it reminds me that he isn't here with me anymore.
3. What’s the sexiest song in the world? Gettin You Home by Chris Young -- I know it's country, but it is one of the few country songs I like.
4. Name a new, to you, band or music artist that you can’t get enough of? Post a link to one of their songs. Adele http://youtu.be/6ltjNAphs9o
5. Have you met any famous musicians? Nope -- unless you count Marty Stuart before he was a star.
6. What song best describes your life? All Mixed Up by 311
7. How important is your partner’s taste in music to you? Very important. I was with someone for years you didn't share my love of music and because of that I ended up giving up so much of myself. I won't make that same mistake again.
8. Do you sing in the shower? Nope, but I sing and dance in my car as I drive.
\
9. What was the last live music show you attended? Did you buy a t-shirt? I went to see REO and no I didn't get a t-shirt -- still have the ones I got from when I saw them when I was in college.
10. What’s the sweetest song in the world? Everything I Do I Do It For You -- Bryan Adams.
11. Can you play a musical instrument? Which one? yes I play the piano
12. Are you in a band or are you a performing solo music artist? If yes, what kind of music do you play? no
13. Have you ever dated a musician? A garage band musician.
14. Are you a groupie? no
- If yes, for what artist/band?
- If no, do you wish you were and for what music performing artist or band? nope
http://tmituesdayblog.wordpress.com/2011/08/29/
2. What’s the saddest song in the world? Amazing Grace -- Not sad to most people, but it was one of my dad's favorite songs and now every time I hear it, it reminds me that he isn't here with me anymore.
3. What’s the sexiest song in the world? Gettin You Home by Chris Young -- I know it's country, but it is one of the few country songs I like.
4. Name a new, to you, band or music artist that you can’t get enough of? Post a link to one of their songs. Adele http://youtu.be/6ltjNAphs9o
5. Have you met any famous musicians? Nope -- unless you count Marty Stuart before he was a star.
6. What song best describes your life? All Mixed Up by 311
7. How important is your partner’s taste in music to you? Very important. I was with someone for years you didn't share my love of music and because of that I ended up giving up so much of myself. I won't make that same mistake again.
8. Do you sing in the shower? Nope, but I sing and dance in my car as I drive.
\
9. What was the last live music show you attended? Did you buy a t-shirt? I went to see REO and no I didn't get a t-shirt -- still have the ones I got from when I saw them when I was in college.
10. What’s the sweetest song in the world? Everything I Do I Do It For You -- Bryan Adams.
11. Can you play a musical instrument? Which one? yes I play the piano
12. Are you in a band or are you a performing solo music artist? If yes, what kind of music do you play? no
13. Have you ever dated a musician? A garage band musician.
14. Are you a groupie? no
- If yes, for what artist/band?
- If no, do you wish you were and for what music performing artist or band? nope
http://tmituesdayblog.wordpress.com/2011/08/29/
Monday, August 29, 2011
Undue Stress
I caused Sir undue stress yesterday, but not on purpose. But still stress non the less. I had unexpected company yesterday and was unable to get on my phone or even on my computer to drop him a line to say I wouldn't be around much.
This isn't the first time this has happened. It was either last weekend or the weekend before that the same thing happened. I'm wondering if there is more going on then meets the eye.
We haven't had as much time together as we are use to due to his work and is this my way of subconsciously getting back at him for that. Is this my way of getting him back for feeling a little neglected. Am I that way or is it my way of getting attention for him. Bad attention, but attention?
So much to think about this morning.
This isn't the first time this has happened. It was either last weekend or the weekend before that the same thing happened. I'm wondering if there is more going on then meets the eye.
We haven't had as much time together as we are use to due to his work and is this my way of subconsciously getting back at him for that. Is this my way of getting him back for feeling a little neglected. Am I that way or is it my way of getting attention for him. Bad attention, but attention?
So much to think about this morning.
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
TMI Tuesday
Sir thinks I hide myself away from the world to much. So he has assigned me the task of taking part in TMI Tuesday trying to make me a little more active with my blog. A little more revealing. So here I am.
1. When you go to a party, would you rather show up accidentally under dressed or overdressed? I'd rather be overdressed because you can always alter things you are wearing in a way to dress them down if needed.
2. What is something you have won and how did you win it? (Inspired by the An Optimistic Virgin) Actually won a valuable painting at a raffle.
3. Do you squeeze the toothpaste from the middle, end, or top? From the bottom -- isn't that the correct way to do it???
4. What is something your parents used to say to you that you promised yourself you would never say–but now you catch yourself saying frequently? I'm going to give you til the count of 3. I don't say it as much now because my children are grown, but when they were little I caught myself doing it more times than I would care to admit.
5. What 3 lies did you regularly tell your parents? If applicable, what 3 lies do you tell your parents now? I did not sneak out of the house last night. Those are not my cigarettes. No I have not been drinking.
6. What is something that you intended to do today but didn’t? Why not? Will you do it tomorrow? I intended to scrub the kitchen floor tonight. I didn't get to it because my husband brought home a ton of sweet corn that I had to deal with tonight. I sure hope I get to it tomorrow because it is driving me crazy being so dirty.
7. What is something that people do in traffic that really bothers you? (inspired by My Quest To Be A Good Girl) Talk on the phone and not pay attention to the light changing in front of them.
8. Whose autographs have you collected? (You can stop at five, in case you’re an autograph hound or celebrity stalker). I can honestly say I don't remember ever getting any one's autograph. Don't really see the fascination with celebrities.
Bonus: Where do you go to find solitude, tranquility or connection to a higher power? I take my bike our for a long ride. I'm not talking a motorcycle -- I'm talking a bicycle where it is me pushing myself to go as fast or as slow as I want. When I ride I really enjoy going out to a lake close by my house where I am surrounded by nature in all its glory.http://tmituesdayblog.wordpress.com/author/tmituesdayblog/
1. When you go to a party, would you rather show up accidentally under dressed or overdressed? I'd rather be overdressed because you can always alter things you are wearing in a way to dress them down if needed.
2. What is something you have won and how did you win it? (Inspired by the An Optimistic Virgin) Actually won a valuable painting at a raffle.
3. Do you squeeze the toothpaste from the middle, end, or top? From the bottom -- isn't that the correct way to do it???
4. What is something your parents used to say to you that you promised yourself you would never say–but now you catch yourself saying frequently? I'm going to give you til the count of 3. I don't say it as much now because my children are grown, but when they were little I caught myself doing it more times than I would care to admit.
5. What 3 lies did you regularly tell your parents? If applicable, what 3 lies do you tell your parents now? I did not sneak out of the house last night. Those are not my cigarettes. No I have not been drinking.
6. What is something that you intended to do today but didn’t? Why not? Will you do it tomorrow? I intended to scrub the kitchen floor tonight. I didn't get to it because my husband brought home a ton of sweet corn that I had to deal with tonight. I sure hope I get to it tomorrow because it is driving me crazy being so dirty.
7. What is something that people do in traffic that really bothers you? (inspired by My Quest To Be A Good Girl) Talk on the phone and not pay attention to the light changing in front of them.
8. Whose autographs have you collected? (You can stop at five, in case you’re an autograph hound or celebrity stalker). I can honestly say I don't remember ever getting any one's autograph. Don't really see the fascination with celebrities.
Bonus: Where do you go to find solitude, tranquility or connection to a higher power? I take my bike our for a long ride. I'm not talking a motorcycle -- I'm talking a bicycle where it is me pushing myself to go as fast or as slow as I want. When I ride I really enjoy going out to a lake close by my house where I am surrounded by nature in all its glory.http://tmituesdayblog.wordpress.com/author/tmituesdayblog/
Saturday, August 20, 2011
Have you ever had that feeling of standing on the edge of a deep, dark abyss and at any minute you could lose your footing and be lost forever. Well my life has been like that of late. I have been going through some things -- trying to decide if I should go or if I should stay in my present situation and the people in the immediate vicinity are offering no comfort at all. It seems to me that they are smothering me -- pushing a little -- seeing if I can stand my ground or if I will fall never to return to the life I want -- the one I desire.
Have to say I really hate this feeling. I hate being indecisive. I am the one who always has all the answers. I'm the one everyone always comes to for advice. I have the ability to look at situations logically and rationally and make the best decision based on fact not emotion. Maybe that is why I struggle with this decision. There is an emotional element as well as a logical element to the decision. The logical decision tells me to just move on -- this is a situation that right now is not healthy for me and should I not be allowed to be happy and healthy. But the flip side of the coin is that I have spent a long time in this situation. It is a huge part of my life. Is it what defines who I am? I would hope not, but one never truly knows now do they.
Well for now it means more reflection until I make a decision -- a decision that will alter the world I live in and the people around me. Do I have the courage to do what I need to do?
Have to say I really hate this feeling. I hate being indecisive. I am the one who always has all the answers. I'm the one everyone always comes to for advice. I have the ability to look at situations logically and rationally and make the best decision based on fact not emotion. Maybe that is why I struggle with this decision. There is an emotional element as well as a logical element to the decision. The logical decision tells me to just move on -- this is a situation that right now is not healthy for me and should I not be allowed to be happy and healthy. But the flip side of the coin is that I have spent a long time in this situation. It is a huge part of my life. Is it what defines who I am? I would hope not, but one never truly knows now do they.
Well for now it means more reflection until I make a decision -- a decision that will alter the world I live in and the people around me. Do I have the courage to do what I need to do?
Sunday, August 7, 2011
What's in a Name
For the longest time Sir wanted to name me. He gave it much thought, threw around a couple of names then finally decided on mijena. I asked him how he selected it and he said it was a combination of the letters of my name and he liked the way it rolled off his tongue.
Well the other day I got curious (me being me) and decided to goggle my name. And wouldn't you know I found it and it means "change." I had to laugh because with everything that is happening in my life, Sir had this one nailed.
See lately I have been looking for a different job. I need something with a little more challenge. I use to own my own businesses and sold them to move -- following my husband. Well I tried the retirement thing for 6 months and got bored. So took a job to fill the time. It was great for a while.
Stupid me -- why would I think I would like a job that didn't challenge my mind everyday. That didn't stimulate me. I miss the daily deadlines my businesses offered. I miss the creativity of them too. I just need more, so very much more. So I am looking for something new. I am even looking at jobs that will move me from the area where I currently live. Am looking at ppossibility moving closer to Sir.
Knowing my job isn't satisfying, maybe that is why I began looking to get the stimulation I was missing from other sources. And that is when I ran into Sir. We began simple -- talking, exchanging emails, comments, stories. Revealing desires and so much more. Finding that we both desired the same things and remained unfulfilled in our life.
With him in my life things have definitely been changing, but I know there is so much more that needs to happen before I get to the point I need and want to be. He has been patient with me. First tearing down the walls that I had built up around me for all these years. Then he began with the tasks. Easy, simple things at first, but they are getting harder each day. And thanks to some of the bloggers he follows he has even come up with new ideas -- new ways to give me the pain that I need. The pain I desire. I would gladly take more pain and have told him that, but with me I think he is afraid of maybe taking it to far. He knows my history. He knows I got hurt when I was young and didn't use my safe word. He knows how I get caught up in the play and don't always look out my me so he is over cautious I think. But with me knowing his history too, I know he is fighting his own demons and he too has grown so much since our relationship began.
So as mijena I wear my name with pride knowing first and foremost that Sir gave it to me and second as mijena I know there is so much more change in store for me.
Well the other day I got curious (me being me) and decided to goggle my name. And wouldn't you know I found it and it means "change." I had to laugh because with everything that is happening in my life, Sir had this one nailed.
See lately I have been looking for a different job. I need something with a little more challenge. I use to own my own businesses and sold them to move -- following my husband. Well I tried the retirement thing for 6 months and got bored. So took a job to fill the time. It was great for a while.
Stupid me -- why would I think I would like a job that didn't challenge my mind everyday. That didn't stimulate me. I miss the daily deadlines my businesses offered. I miss the creativity of them too. I just need more, so very much more. So I am looking for something new. I am even looking at jobs that will move me from the area where I currently live. Am looking at ppossibility moving closer to Sir.
Knowing my job isn't satisfying, maybe that is why I began looking to get the stimulation I was missing from other sources. And that is when I ran into Sir. We began simple -- talking, exchanging emails, comments, stories. Revealing desires and so much more. Finding that we both desired the same things and remained unfulfilled in our life.
With him in my life things have definitely been changing, but I know there is so much more that needs to happen before I get to the point I need and want to be. He has been patient with me. First tearing down the walls that I had built up around me for all these years. Then he began with the tasks. Easy, simple things at first, but they are getting harder each day. And thanks to some of the bloggers he follows he has even come up with new ideas -- new ways to give me the pain that I need. The pain I desire. I would gladly take more pain and have told him that, but with me I think he is afraid of maybe taking it to far. He knows my history. He knows I got hurt when I was young and didn't use my safe word. He knows how I get caught up in the play and don't always look out my me so he is over cautious I think. But with me knowing his history too, I know he is fighting his own demons and he too has grown so much since our relationship began.
So as mijena I wear my name with pride knowing first and foremost that Sir gave it to me and second as mijena I know there is so much more change in store for me.
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Collared
The ring of the phone woke me from my slumber. As I groggily said hello, Sir's voice on the other end instructed me he was on his way and I should be waiting at the door for him -- in position -- wearing my blue Friday attire, but not wear my everyday collar. He would be there anywhere between 10 to 20 minutes.
I hurriedly brushed my teeth, combed my hair, threw on my blue Friday attire then examined myself in the mirror to make sure the woman in the reflection would meet with His approval. When I decided there wasn't much more I could do to improve I picked my spot just inside the door, got in position and waited.
My nerves were a little raw. I didn't know what the day would hold. But I did know this would definitely be a "play" day.
As I waited, my mind began to wander. And when that happens well let's just say it is not always for the better. I began to wonder why I wasn't allowed to wear my everyday collar. He had given it to me for my birthday and the first time I visited him he had placed it around my neck. It was when I gave myself fully to him. And I wasn't allowed to wear it. Was our relationship changing. Had I done something wrong. The thoughts were running through my mind and they weren't pleasant thoughts.
So I wouldn't drive myself crazy I decided to go over my mantra in my mind. I didn't want to disappoint Sir so I was trying to anticipate what he would want from me. What he would expect from me. As my nerves continue to grow so did the burn in my legs.
I had been in position before. I had been practicing prior to this trip. But I had never been there for any extended period of time. I kept trying to listen for the elevator, to hear the key in the door, but nothing. Then as if out of no where he was there. He was standing in front of me. Hand in my hair calming me. His touch always calms me. He greeted me. Told me to recite my mantra to him. I began and it was like all intelligence left me. I couldn't remember the words. I have been reciting those words for several months now, but now it was like I had never said them before in my life. I was disappointing Sir. My greatest nightmare was coming true.
Sir knew I would be rougher on myself for failing to recite my mantra -- for not remembering, but I also knew he wouldn't forgive this. So mentally I prepared myself for what was to come. But what I didn't expect was what happened next.
He moved behind me. I couldn't see what he was doing, but I could hear him. I could hear him rummaging around in the bag he had brought with him. Then I felt it. Felt him place a collar around my neck. My Collar.
As he fastened it around my neck he talked to me about submitting -- what it meant to him -- what it would mean to me. I was on such a high I can't tell you the exact words but as he said them to me I remember feeling a tug in my heart. I felt his love surround me. Felt his strength empower me. I knew at that very moment we were meant to be with each other. That what we have -- what we experience together far exceeds anything I have ever felt before.
I hurriedly brushed my teeth, combed my hair, threw on my blue Friday attire then examined myself in the mirror to make sure the woman in the reflection would meet with His approval. When I decided there wasn't much more I could do to improve I picked my spot just inside the door, got in position and waited.
My nerves were a little raw. I didn't know what the day would hold. But I did know this would definitely be a "play" day.
As I waited, my mind began to wander. And when that happens well let's just say it is not always for the better. I began to wonder why I wasn't allowed to wear my everyday collar. He had given it to me for my birthday and the first time I visited him he had placed it around my neck. It was when I gave myself fully to him. And I wasn't allowed to wear it. Was our relationship changing. Had I done something wrong. The thoughts were running through my mind and they weren't pleasant thoughts.
So I wouldn't drive myself crazy I decided to go over my mantra in my mind. I didn't want to disappoint Sir so I was trying to anticipate what he would want from me. What he would expect from me. As my nerves continue to grow so did the burn in my legs.
I had been in position before. I had been practicing prior to this trip. But I had never been there for any extended period of time. I kept trying to listen for the elevator, to hear the key in the door, but nothing. Then as if out of no where he was there. He was standing in front of me. Hand in my hair calming me. His touch always calms me. He greeted me. Told me to recite my mantra to him. I began and it was like all intelligence left me. I couldn't remember the words. I have been reciting those words for several months now, but now it was like I had never said them before in my life. I was disappointing Sir. My greatest nightmare was coming true.
Sir knew I would be rougher on myself for failing to recite my mantra -- for not remembering, but I also knew he wouldn't forgive this. So mentally I prepared myself for what was to come. But what I didn't expect was what happened next.
He moved behind me. I couldn't see what he was doing, but I could hear him. I could hear him rummaging around in the bag he had brought with him. Then I felt it. Felt him place a collar around my neck. My Collar.
As he fastened it around my neck he talked to me about submitting -- what it meant to him -- what it would mean to me. I was on such a high I can't tell you the exact words but as he said them to me I remember feeling a tug in my heart. I felt his love surround me. Felt his strength empower me. I knew at that very moment we were meant to be with each other. That what we have -- what we experience together far exceeds anything I have ever felt before.
Monday, July 18, 2011
Sabotage
I have been waiting for months. Waiting for the other shoe to drop so to speak.
I have talked to Sir about this time and time again. I have warned him I will try to sabotage this relationship one way or another. It is what I do when people get to close. It is what I have always done. I figure out a way to push them away and away they go.
Well I have pushed Sir a couple of different times during the past year. And much to my surprise he is still here. Well this weekend I was close to pushing again. He was sick and we hadn't had much time together and me being me ( I have extreme abandonment issues) was feeling a little alone. (Who the hell am I fooling -- I was down right freaking out).
I was so close to just walking away.. then it hit me. I really don't want to find out what my life would be like without Sir in it. He has taught me so much. He has helped me grow and he has given so much of himself to me that I decided I needed to go along on this journey and see where it ends up.
I know in the future I may just try once again to sabotage the best thing that has ever come my way. I just hope I am as strong as I was this weekend and have the faith I have in Sir to know he isn't going anyway and he will help me work through my fears and I come out a much better person in the end.
I have talked to Sir about this time and time again. I have warned him I will try to sabotage this relationship one way or another. It is what I do when people get to close. It is what I have always done. I figure out a way to push them away and away they go.
Well I have pushed Sir a couple of different times during the past year. And much to my surprise he is still here. Well this weekend I was close to pushing again. He was sick and we hadn't had much time together and me being me ( I have extreme abandonment issues) was feeling a little alone. (Who the hell am I fooling -- I was down right freaking out).
I was so close to just walking away.. then it hit me. I really don't want to find out what my life would be like without Sir in it. He has taught me so much. He has helped me grow and he has given so much of himself to me that I decided I needed to go along on this journey and see where it ends up.
I know in the future I may just try once again to sabotage the best thing that has ever come my way. I just hope I am as strong as I was this weekend and have the faith I have in Sir to know he isn't going anyway and he will help me work through my fears and I come out a much better person in the end.
Sunday, July 17, 2011
Trouble
Am having a hard time finding my public voice. I have had a private blog strictly for Sir for almost a year now. It is easy for me to write the private blog because I know it is for his eyes only and I know I can say anything and he won't hold it against me. Actually on several occasions he has helped me work through issues I was having with self as well as with friends.
But this is different. This is putting myself out there for everyone to see. This is something Sir has assigned me to do. I am to express myself once a week. I have no limits on the topics I choose to talk about. At first I was a little excited, but now it is tough. It isn't as easy as I thought it would be.
I have been reading other blogs hoping to find motivation, hoping to come up with ideas and nothing. So until the ideas start flowing I will tell you about my week.
This week I have been accused of topping from the bottom. This was said a little tongue in cheek. Sir has been sick for the past two weeks. And me being the type of person that I am. Well let's just say I was a little bossy about what he should be doing about getting better.
But the one thing I discovered this week is I really hate the distance between us when he's ill. I hated not being there to serve him. To provide him with whatever he needed to get better. It is the nature of the beast part of our relationship I suppose. The distance is always a problem.
Plus it didn't help since he wasn't feeling well and with my schedule at work, we didn't get as much computer time or phone time together as we are use too. I thought I fared well though. I didn't freak out like I use to early on in our relationship when we would have to go a day without so much as a word to the other. This time it has been two weeks. Two weeks with limited contact. Two weeks of hell for me, but at the same time two weeks to realizing how much I have grown since I have met Sir. For me this in and of itself was huge.
But this is different. This is putting myself out there for everyone to see. This is something Sir has assigned me to do. I am to express myself once a week. I have no limits on the topics I choose to talk about. At first I was a little excited, but now it is tough. It isn't as easy as I thought it would be.
I have been reading other blogs hoping to find motivation, hoping to come up with ideas and nothing. So until the ideas start flowing I will tell you about my week.
This week I have been accused of topping from the bottom. This was said a little tongue in cheek. Sir has been sick for the past two weeks. And me being the type of person that I am. Well let's just say I was a little bossy about what he should be doing about getting better.
But the one thing I discovered this week is I really hate the distance between us when he's ill. I hated not being there to serve him. To provide him with whatever he needed to get better. It is the nature of the beast part of our relationship I suppose. The distance is always a problem.
Plus it didn't help since he wasn't feeling well and with my schedule at work, we didn't get as much computer time or phone time together as we are use too. I thought I fared well though. I didn't freak out like I use to early on in our relationship when we would have to go a day without so much as a word to the other. This time it has been two weeks. Two weeks with limited contact. Two weeks of hell for me, but at the same time two weeks to realizing how much I have grown since I have met Sir. For me this in and of itself was huge.
Monday, July 11, 2011
Southern Sir has written a couple of different blogs regarding his love for Home Depot and the multiple use items he finds there. Well in honor of his birthday today, I thought I would write my version of a Home Depot story and dedicate it to him.
I have seen Nick come into the store pretty much every weekend for the last two years. But in the past year there has been a change in him. It may not be obvious to everyone, but to me (well I do have a little bit of a crush on him) well when I found out what I found out. I knew I had to at least try to catch his eye.
I never will forget the first time I saw him. He walked in and headed to the electrical section of the store. I was there stocking shelves and didn't really think much of him. He was wearing a wedding ring and I thought to myself "All the good ones are taken." Well there was something about him, something that commanded my attention so I watched him as he searched for his find that day.
I never saw someone take so much care in picking out alligators clip. He looked at every size and as he looked at them he would test the grip. He asked me if I knew how these held on larger items about the size of the tip of a pinkie.
I blushed a little as my mind immediately went to a play date a few night ago when they were applied to my nipples. I wanted to tell him how they bit, made my eyes water, but "oh they hurt so good." I wanted to tell him how the pain from having them "bite" my nipples traveled through my body down to my core. How my moisture level increased just with the thought of them being applied. I wanted to share my experience with him, but not everyone is accepting of the lifestyle I live. I also wanted to keep my job so I simply said "I have never used them for anything that large, so I was not the one to answer his question."
Well over time Nick continued to come in and I noticed these subtle changes in him. I noticed he was walking taller, he was walking with more confidence, he was talking with more confidence. All in all he just seemed so much happier. Then I realized and began to wonder did it center around the fact that he no longer wore a wedding ring. Was he free? Was there actually a possibility of me?
Every week I would continue to watch Nick as he "tried out" items on his arm, as we wheeled wood, anything with a handle and such, much as an experienced Sir would. And I began to wonder. Began to fantasize about him as a Sir or more importantly as my Sir.
Then it happened one week. Nick walked in and was a man on a mission. He walked back to the contracting department and asked for help. Well after Nick got done explaining he wanted a playroom of sorts and explained some of the features of the room, Ted (the employee helping him out) told Nick more or less that was a room the contractors would not even consider constructing nor help to construct. That is when all those months of suspicion had finally been validated. I knew for a fact Nick was in the lifestyle.
Well months went by and Nick still came in every week. Still tried out things on his arm, his leg, his fingers. And it was then that I decided I was going to make my move. I decided today was the day I would approach him. I would initiate a conversation with him.
Well I summed up my courage and broached the subject of lifestyle choices. He very kindly told me he was in the lifestyle, but for the past year had found his "girl". When he made that comment, I knew there was no chance for me because Nick was more than this woman's Sir. Nick was in love and that love was the change that I saw in him over the year. She was what changed him and I envied her. Envied the connection they shared.
I have seen Nick come into the store pretty much every weekend for the last two years. But in the past year there has been a change in him. It may not be obvious to everyone, but to me (well I do have a little bit of a crush on him) well when I found out what I found out. I knew I had to at least try to catch his eye.
I never will forget the first time I saw him. He walked in and headed to the electrical section of the store. I was there stocking shelves and didn't really think much of him. He was wearing a wedding ring and I thought to myself "All the good ones are taken." Well there was something about him, something that commanded my attention so I watched him as he searched for his find that day.
I never saw someone take so much care in picking out alligators clip. He looked at every size and as he looked at them he would test the grip. He asked me if I knew how these held on larger items about the size of the tip of a pinkie.
I blushed a little as my mind immediately went to a play date a few night ago when they were applied to my nipples. I wanted to tell him how they bit, made my eyes water, but "oh they hurt so good." I wanted to tell him how the pain from having them "bite" my nipples traveled through my body down to my core. How my moisture level increased just with the thought of them being applied. I wanted to share my experience with him, but not everyone is accepting of the lifestyle I live. I also wanted to keep my job so I simply said "I have never used them for anything that large, so I was not the one to answer his question."
Well over time Nick continued to come in and I noticed these subtle changes in him. I noticed he was walking taller, he was walking with more confidence, he was talking with more confidence. All in all he just seemed so much happier. Then I realized and began to wonder did it center around the fact that he no longer wore a wedding ring. Was he free? Was there actually a possibility of me?
Every week I would continue to watch Nick as he "tried out" items on his arm, as we wheeled wood, anything with a handle and such, much as an experienced Sir would. And I began to wonder. Began to fantasize about him as a Sir or more importantly as my Sir.
Then it happened one week. Nick walked in and was a man on a mission. He walked back to the contracting department and asked for help. Well after Nick got done explaining he wanted a playroom of sorts and explained some of the features of the room, Ted (the employee helping him out) told Nick more or less that was a room the contractors would not even consider constructing nor help to construct. That is when all those months of suspicion had finally been validated. I knew for a fact Nick was in the lifestyle.
Well months went by and Nick still came in every week. Still tried out things on his arm, his leg, his fingers. And it was then that I decided I was going to make my move. I decided today was the day I would approach him. I would initiate a conversation with him.
Well I summed up my courage and broached the subject of lifestyle choices. He very kindly told me he was in the lifestyle, but for the past year had found his "girl". When he made that comment, I knew there was no chance for me because Nick was more than this woman's Sir. Nick was in love and that love was the change that I saw in him over the year. She was what changed him and I envied her. Envied the connection they shared.
Sunday, July 10, 2011
The beginning
I started this journey of mine way to many years ago and allowed my friends and family to persuade me that for my well being I needed to lead "a normal life." They didn't understand. All they saw was me hurt because of a bad choice I made.
Now after 30 years I have decided I can't lead "the normal life" -- it isn't who I truly am.
I began my search for a Sir two years ago looking, talking, experimenting, but never fully trusting anyone totally.
It was only after I had given up looking did He find me. I was on a website where you could post life experiences and chat with people regarding those experiences. I had posted a comment to a story He had written regarding listening to his vinyl albums. That was the beginning of this wonderful new journey for me. This was the beginning of me for once in a very long time feeling like I am who I truly am suppose to be. This was the beginning of the best relationship I have ever experienced in my entire life. This was the beginning of U/us.
Yes we live hundreds of miles from each other and only have spent a few days physically in the presence of the other, but that in no way lessens my feelings for Him. In the year I have known Him, He has taught me so much. He has taught me patience. He has taught me how to calm myself. And most importantly He has taught me how to love the woman I am. The submissive woman I am. The one everyone else felt was worthless, an idiot for believing this was a lifestyle that was a "good" choice.
But most importantly he has taught me to love. To love so deeply. To love with my mind, my body and my soul. He has taught me to trust and most importantly He has accepted my submission.
Now after 30 years I have decided I can't lead "the normal life" -- it isn't who I truly am.
I began my search for a Sir two years ago looking, talking, experimenting, but never fully trusting anyone totally.
It was only after I had given up looking did He find me. I was on a website where you could post life experiences and chat with people regarding those experiences. I had posted a comment to a story He had written regarding listening to his vinyl albums. That was the beginning of this wonderful new journey for me. This was the beginning of me for once in a very long time feeling like I am who I truly am suppose to be. This was the beginning of the best relationship I have ever experienced in my entire life. This was the beginning of U/us.
Yes we live hundreds of miles from each other and only have spent a few days physically in the presence of the other, but that in no way lessens my feelings for Him. In the year I have known Him, He has taught me so much. He has taught me patience. He has taught me how to calm myself. And most importantly He has taught me how to love the woman I am. The submissive woman I am. The one everyone else felt was worthless, an idiot for believing this was a lifestyle that was a "good" choice.
But most importantly he has taught me to love. To love so deeply. To love with my mind, my body and my soul. He has taught me to trust and most importantly He has accepted my submission.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)